A Difficult Post


Last night in my community group the icebreaker question was this:

            Name one thing that you are good at.  (Yeah I know…not really a question, but I kept my mouth shut.)

Then of course we had to go around in a circle and everyone has to share.  First off I hate that.  I hate the expectation of having to answer. 



The problem was I really couldn’t think of anything.  I ended up giving some BS response that I didn’t really believe.



Now I’m not looking for pity or responses on what you think I’m good at.  Even if you were to offer a valued opinion I probably can’t accept it at this point as it would seem to me only a response to this post.  Not necessarily genuine in my eyes.  However, I’m sure you, my readers, are incredibly honest people, although a little foolhardy to be following/reading what I spout out.   



And what I’m not saying is that I’m not good at anything.  I have a good sense of humor and a good amount of patience and I’m incredibly good looking.  Also I have a good sense of humor and a good self image.  If golden stars were passed out for Seinfeld quoting skills, well…I’d have a lot of golden stars.  And I can list several other things, but moving on, what I am also not saying is that I don’t have things that I enjoy doing either.  (That’s a poorly constructed sentence, but I don’t feel like fixing it).  I love to organize things.  I love bring order where there was chaos.  I love youth and youth ministry.  I love sharing the Bible.  I love doing a lot of things.


Some of my negativism is because I’m my own worst critic, but some of it is because really I don’t know what I good for.  You can be good at things, but unless you are acknowledged and appreciated and using your talents, what is…what you’re good at…good for?  Being good at something and not using it is worthless.  If you have NBA talents but never pick up a basketball, are you really good at the sport?  Loving something that seemingly refuses to embrace you, well that just seems sad.  If you are the second coming of Jimmy Stewart, but never win an acting audition are you really a good actor? 



Just a peak into what steals my joy and robs my passion:

I feel like the past couple of years my hope has diminished and I’m fading into oblivion.

And I don’t know what to do with that.


[I don’t know if I’ve shared this with anybody, opening myself up this much (and this isn’t much).  And I can’t say why I feel the need to do so tonight.  This is me trying to be more honest, and this seems to be my most effective forum for speaking this kind of truth. - TSH]





Julie Hibbard said...

You are an excellent writer. You are a deep thinker and I SO appreciate that. Hope is something that comes and goes...I truly think that. In between we hang on and feel comfortable here and there...and then we start hoping again.
Are you in a 'quarter life crisis"?
I sometimes think that's worse than the mid-lifer's! My kids and their friends are in the same spot: Have our degrees, have our jobs, ministries, etc. And you are already saying, "Is that all there is?"
I don't know the answers...BUT, what I do know (older, wiser person that I am) is that writing it out and thinking it out and questioning things and wondering and refusing to just keep doing the same thing...Well, all of this makes you a better person. A genuine person. It will help you find out who you really are. Not what others want you to be or even TELL you that you are.
You are on the right track TS. Wish I could go back to 28 and know what I know today. Instead, I'll impart my knowledge and wisdom to you...
Keep blogging, journaling, talking and praying. And, once in a while, throw in just a bit of hope.
You have a lot to offer the world TS Harrison.

Courtney said...

Thank you for writing that post....I don't have the same skill of articulating things as you do..and if I copied and pasted it onto my blog it would find a perfect fit with my current thoughs. I don't know you, yet I read your blog everyday because your GOOD at conveying humor and truth and randomness. Thanks for being open, maybe I'll try it more.