difficult post (part 2)

[I've been intentionally avoiding comments from my past difficult post, but I will get to them soon. I've been thinking that I need to post some more honest, unscripted thoughts in order to bring another level of authenticity to this thing. Hence the difficult part of the posts. Maybe through them we can find ourselves reaching greater depths of connectivity. - - Here's a post I wrote soon after the last. Sorry I didn't have Internet access for a few days, so this is a little late.]

Why is my hope so fragile? Why does the small conflict send me into a tailspin? Careening towards earth, unable to eject. The least amount of pressure reveals my flaws and exposes my weakness until my facade beings to crack.

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?"
- Psalm 13

Has my faith grown at all? Or have I just been struggling against greater trails and temptations? Why has time and experience turned my child-like faith into a mature mess? I find myself looking back and agreeing with Nicodemus when he asked Jesus, "How can a man be born when he is old?" When will the transformational change begin to occur in my life? When will life give me greater perspective and less detours?

As I'm typing this David Crowder is singing on my computer,

And there's nothing wrong with you
And nothing left to do
But believe something bigger
And there's nothing wrong with love
I know it's just enough to believe

Don't give up now
A break in the clouds
We will be found
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming now

I can't wait. Maranatha! Come Lord Jesus.