Self Doubt

I preached this past weekend.
I knew the text really well. Really well. I did the study work. Probably too much studying.
But I never felt comfortable with the message. I didn't have any real creativity when framing the message. I didn't have any really strong personal stories, which I love sharing in sermons. I didn't have a great closing line, which I like to have. And worst of all I tried something I normally wouldn't.
It was also my first time preaching in front of this crowd. Which only enhanced my yo-yo like self-esteem. Standing on a stage or in the center of a crowd rattles my nerves, even on a normal day; all those eyes staring at me, judging me, criticizing me.
The end result?
Actually I got some great responses from people.
God can do wonders with our crap. (Suddenly I'm thinking about Ezekiel 4).

Nevertheless, what I the image I had in my head was nowhere close to what I saw on Sunday morning. And I'm my own worst critic, especially when I know I can do better.

So all day Sunday I was feeling really down; like a complete failure.
Even some afternoon frisbee golf or an afternoon nap couldn't pull me out of short depression.
Thankfully I got to hang out with the high school students Sunday evening. That's where I feel comfortable in life.

Lessons learned.
Next time I'll "dominate" the sermon.