A few weeks back I was making all the necessary phone calls that come with moving into a new place. The electric company. The water company. And most importantly the cable company.
A gentleman named Greg answered. What followed is perhaps one of the greatest conversations I have ever had. Here is that conversation*:
Greg: "Time Warner Company, how can I help you?"
Me: "Hi, how are you today?"
Greg: "I'm good thank you, how are you?"
Greg: "How can I help you today?"
Me: "I need some internet and cable."
Greg: "Were you interested in the bundle which includes phone, cable and internet?"
Me: "Who has a home phone these days?"
Greg lays out the details and ask for my all my information. While he waits for me to gather my new NC bank account info Greg attempts some small talk.
Greg: "So what do you do in North Carolina?"
Me: "I just joined a church in the Raleigh area as a youth pastor?"
Greg: "Oh that's great. I'm a pastor here in Atlanta at the Almighty God is our Rock and Holy Everlasting Father and Redeemer Church**"
This is where the conversations goes askew.
Greg: "Are you married?"
Greg: "Do you believe in prophecy?"
Me: "Sure. Uh-h. I don't have that gift, but I certainly wouldn't deny that God uses prophecy."
Greg: "Well Trevor are you ready to be prophesied over?"
I was really ready for some cable, Lost started that week, but who wouldn't want to see where this was going?
Me: "Um. Sure."
Greg: "March 5th.
Me: "March 5th?"
Greg: "March 5th. On March 5th you will know the woman you will marry."
Me: "March 5th"
Greg: "Yes March 5th. Also on March 5th you'll meet the people who will publish your books"
Suddenly I was worried that I had to write a book by March 5th.
Greg: "Do you write? Have you thought about writing books?"
Me: "Um. I've written a few things."
Like school papers, e-mails, and stuff on this blog.
Greg: "Now this may not all happen on March 5th, but you'll know the person that will eventually lead to this end."
Me: "Okay. I better circle that date on my calendar.
In my head I'm wondering how this man is not getting chewed out, or that he was going to get chewed out, because the previous recording informed me that this phone call could be recorded for quality control.
Greg: "And don't just take my word for it. You need to read 1 Corinthians and see that I am approved. Double check with what God's Word says so that you can know what's true."
Greg: "Um. Can you hold on for a minute?"
Then Greg was gone for about a minute. I was certain that some supervisor was reaming him out, because despite the brief dialogue I've shared above it had to be at least 10 minutes of prophesying. The Greg came back on the phone.
Greg: "Did you want the bundle today Mr. Harrison?"
Me: "Um. No, just the cable and internet."
Greg went on to finish the process of getting me my service without once mentioning this prophecy. Nevertheless as we finished up I said thank you to him, and reiterated that I would be circling March 5th on my calendar.
I've been trying to make a list of places to avoid and places to hang out, you know, so that I can influence this prophecy. Because if I can narrow the pool of women I know on March 5th to women who are rich and beautiful, well, good for me.
Avoid: Wal-Mart, daycare schools
Hang Out: country clubs, beauty pageants
What places would you add to these list?
* As best as I can remember the conversation. I'm sure I'm embellishing bits and pieces, but for the most part what you read is the gist of the conversation.
** I can't remember the name of his church, but there was a lot of words in it's title.